Re: Operation: Godmode. The New Frontier.
I lost a friend today. He was a good friend, a loyal friend, who asked for nothing but gave his all, on demand, any time of night or day, holiday period or no. I am talking, of course, about my microwave. Keith, as I called him, (he was a semi-inanimate object and the light was a bit dim) served many purposes. Not only did he heat my food, defrost bits of chicken for the second time, and serve as a post-natal abortion device (ages 0-3 months), but he also served as a sandwich press.
It was while serving in the latter of his duties that Keith perished. I was trying to make a shooter sandwich - something that has been doing the rounds of the interwebs for the past day or two. Link here -
EPIC BUN TLDR; You hollow out a loaf of bread, fill it with steak, bacon, mushrooms, onion, cheese and sauce, then squash it flat. The guide I'd seen recommended 140lbs of weight for 4 hours. I only have about 40lbs of weightlifting gear at home, so I looked around for extra stuff to use. My eyes alighted on Keith, who was duly unplugged, and rested atop the breadboard of weights that were already being used to crush my sammich. I then put a big jar full of spare change atop keith, as he is also good as a stand.
ANyway, having balanced Keith precariously (key word there), I went to play Cock Of Doody: Modern Gayshit Stupid 3, and do some WoW. Halfway through 0wn1ng some n00bs or shit, I heard a colossal bang from my kitchen.
After climbing back out from under my desk when I remembered I have an electric oven, I went through to the kitchen to find Keith lying in a useless heap on the floor surrounded by spare change and weights.
So there is the legend of Keith, the now fully inanimate object. I haven't tried plugging him in yet, but keep an eye on the obituary section of the Darwin Awards.
